The Conjugal Catalyst
by FifthAttempt
Summary: What happened after Sheldon proposed to Amy
1. Chapter 1

Amy fainted.

She came to a few moments later to find herself neatly and decorously arranged on her bed, a light throw covering her. She heard rustling coming from the other room. _Sheldon_ , she thought, _probably preparing a hot beverage_. She closed her eyes. _How on Earth do I respond to that_? She had a sudden appreciation for Victorian women, whose fainting spells were the stuff of legend – perhaps, it occurred to her, not entirely in response to overly tightly laced corsets, but as a logical delaying action when confronted with something so irrational as to defy description. And, certainly, the sight of Sheldon, in New Jersey, in the hallway outside her door, on one knee, holding out a diamond ring, and saying "Will you marry me" defied all rationality.

What on Earth was she going to say? Why, suddenly, out of the blue, had he done this? It was clear that he, who hated airplanes, had flown cross country. It was clear that the unimpulsive and quite tightly wound Sheldon had experienced something so overwhelming that he had overridden all his inhibitions and, literally, flown to her side.

It was all very astonishing.

What the Hell was she going to say? She wanted to marry him, but she also wanted to be absolutely certain that he was in his right mind first.

She heard him enter the room, a faint aroma of mint and chamomile preceding him. There was no help for it, she had to respond.

She stirred, feigning grogginess. "What happened? What are you doing here?" She had decided what to say, hoping there was sufficient of the rational Sheldon available to appreciate it.

He put the tea on her night table and proceeded to assist her in sitting up, adjusting her pillows to support her back. He looked … concerned.

"You've never done that before."

"No, I haven't. It's quite … interesting." She picked up her tea and took a sip. "Thank you for the tea."

He hesitated a moment, then said "You're welcome."?

She feigned a sip and looked at him covertly, through her eyelashes. He was acting entirely out of character: flying from L.A, proposing, not offering lengthy explanations about the proper way to prepare tea or the merits of the tea he had prepared. It was disturbing.

"Sheldon, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to ask you to marry me. Remember? Just before you fainted? By the way, why did you faint? It's unlike you."

"And flying cross country, apparently on impulse, for the express purpose of proposing, is unlike you. Before I give you an answer, I need to know why you acted so uncharacteristically."

"Why?"

"Because I want to be sure you mean it and aren't acting under some sort of influence."

He looked at her intently for a moment, then said, "That seems a reasonable request." He paused, gathering his thoughts, and began. "It all started with Dr. Nowitzki."

Amy cocked an eyebrow at him. "Really? Go on."

"Yes. Penny told me that she had a 'romantic interest' in me. I, of course, dismissed that as being entirely impossible. After all, I'm in a relationship with you, making me unavailable to other women – which, I had thought, Dr. Nowitzki understood. Apparently, against all logic, she did not."

Amy continued to look at him.

He blushed: not the most becoming look for him. "She came to my office this morning. And she … umm, she acted inappropriately."

She continued her steady gaze.

"She … ah, kissed me. On the mouth. For nearly a minute." He looked profoundly disturbed as he remembered the incident.

Amy was starting to enjoy his discomfort, just a little. "And what did you do?"

"I excused myself and came directly here."

"So, as far as you know, she could still be in your office waiting for you."

"I hadn't thought of that." He reached for his phone and stopped. "She's an intelligent, if illogical woman, I doubt she stayed after she realized I wasn't coming back."

Amy nodded. "Ok, Sheldon. I have the answer to your previous request."

He looked at her expectantly.

"A conditional yes."

"Conditional?"

"Yes, conditional." She went on "For six months we tell no one. We continue as we are. I'll wear the ring on a chain around my neck. This should be long enough to determine whether her actions frightened you into action or confirmed a course of action you were already contemplating. If, at any time in that six months, you rethink this, we'll discuss it and decide our next move. If, however, you remain committed to this, we'll announce our engagement and, tentatively, set a date."

He appeared to be pondering this statement. He pondered for some time before finally saying, "I don't consider it logical to delay a course of action, once decided, any longer than necessary. I think we should marry before I return to California."

"Consider, Sheldon, how everyone responded when Penny and Leonard went to Las Vegas. Her family was disappointed, as was his family. I believe, for the sake of family and friends, that we should wait until we can have an actual wedding, with both our families and our friends present. How, for instance, would your mother react to an elopement? And your Meemaw – what would she think?"

"I hadn't thought of that… ," He brightened, "Very well, we wait, but not six months. Three months – in August we'll announce our engagement. We can have the wedding between Thanksgiving and Christmas." He got up and began pacing. "That will give you time to do whatever you brides do to plan weddings and the like. It should be just before Christmas break, we could go to Texas for our honeymoon …" He muttered on to himself. Amy rolled her eyes and allowed him to pace and natter for a good three minutes before interrupting.

"Sheldon." He went on, as if he hadn't heard. "SHELDON!" He stopped, shocked at her shout. "I'll accept that three months will probably a decent length of time to determine the validity of your impulse. I'll even accept a Christmas wedding, though that would rush things, especially given that everyone will also be planning seasonal celebrations and festivities," she tried to hide a smile, a Christmas wedding suited her quite well – red, green, white, and silver were colors she liked and the thought of Christmas decorations as a background to her nuptials was far more pleasing to her than the usual pastel palette offered by Spring. "But I absolutely require a say in where we honeymoon – I would like to go someplace neither of us has gone." She stopped and waited, looking at him expectantly.

"But…but," he looked perplexed, "my mother, Meemaw…"

"Sheldon, we'll have the wedding night in our apartment. We could then fly to a mutually agreed upon venue for our honeymoon. We can return home via Texas and stay there a couple of days. Now, it's late, you've had a very long day, as have I. We should get some sleep." She put the teacup on the nightstand and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "When had you planned on returning to California?"

"As soon as we had completed our nuptials." He looked abashed. "Things haven't turned out exactly as I had hoped, have they." He continued. "I didn't really think of much, I suppose, except that I needed to see you. I didn't pack anything. I don't have my pajamas. I don't even have a change of clothes: or my toothbrush and toothpaste." He was starting to panic. "This is illogical, I am not an impulsive person." He glared at her. "It's all your doing, you seductive minx. Thanks to you I have lost my capacity for rational action."

"It's a temporary lapse, Sheldon, caused by a chemical imbalance. Once your normal brain chemistry reasserts itself, your rational self will prevail." She walked toward the bedroom door, "Now, we have to consider what to do until you return to California. First, I did bring an extra toothbrush so that isn't an issue; you can use my toothpaste." He started to object; she waved him off. "We've had intimate physical contact, Sheldon, a shared tube of toothpaste should not be an issue." She shook her head. "As to clothing: tomorrow I'll pick up socks and a change of underwear for you, then we can go shopping for outerwear." She continued plotting out activities for the next day as he stared at her.

She stopped and regarded him. "Once we've purchased your return ticket to LA, we should call Leonard and arrange for someone to pick you up. There's no sense in paying for another cab. Now, let's get ready for bed. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day."


	2. Chapter 2

After 45 minutes, Dr. Ramona Nowitzki was seriously wondering what Sheldon's definition of "a moment" was. Most people had a rather squishy notion about what it was, but she hadn't thought Sheldon was one of them. She looked at her phone: yes, he had been gone for 30 moments - or 45 minutes. She was getting seriously annoyed at his rudeness. She tried calling his cell and got no response.

There was nothing for it, she thought, except to hunt him down.

She picked up the uneaten lunches and, regretfully, dumped them in the wastebasket – some things just didn't taste good cold and didn't reheat well.

Her first stop was Leonard Hofstader's lab – where Leonard was nowhere to be found. An assistant informed her that he had gone home for the day. Visits to Rajesh Koothrapali's office and Howard Wolowitz's lab weren't any more productive. She checked a couple of other places at the University and then decided to head for his apartment.

On the drive over, she mentally rehearsed several approaches. After discarding righteous anger, pathos, and humor, she decided that logic and fact were probably optimal. She would firmly sit him down and explain why she had kissed him and why she was a far more logical choice as partner than the dowdy Amy Farrah Fowler.

There was just one problem with that plan. Sheldon wasn't home. Or at least he wasn't responding to her knocking. She turned, took the four steps to the Hofstaders' apartment and knocked.

She pushed past Leonard when he opened the door. "Where is he?"

"Oh, gee, Dr. Nowitzki. Please, come on in." Leonard looked decidedly peeved. "How can I help you?"

"You can tell me where Sheldon is."

"Excuse me?" He looked somewhere between confused and offended. "First, you push your way into my home. You don't wait for an invitation, you just shove your way in. Then you start making demands. At this point I'm not inclined to help you at all." He stopped for a moment. "What do you mean, where is he? Isn't he at work?"

"No, he's not at work. I was having lunch with him – it was about 1:00 – maybe 1:30 – when suddenly he said, 'excuse me for a moment' and walked out. I waited a little, then went looking for him. No one could tell me where he was."

"You say he just said, 'excuse me for a moment' and left. He didn't say anything else?" Leonard asked.

"That's right."

"Okaay, what happened before that?"

"Nothing really."

"I don't think it was nothing: at least not to Sheldon. Something happened. So, what was it?"

"I said nothing, I just brought lunch, for both of us, to his office."

"And?"

"We … talked a little."

"And?"

"I … auumm … kissed him."

"There we go." Leonard was doing an admirable job of mirroring Sheldon.

"I had reason." She was feeling defensive.

"Doesn't matter. A good reason for you, would not necessarily be a good reason for him." Leonard picked up his cell phone and hit speed-dial. "Howard? Flight alert. Let Raj and Bernadette know. I'll call Penny." He picked up his keys and phone and started for the door.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"To find Sheldon. I just hope we find him in time. It would probably be best if, number one, you don't come along and, number 2, you're not here when we get back."

"I don't understand. Any normal man would have…."

"You're right, you don't understand. Sheldon's not normal. And I really don't feel like explaining it to you." He hurried out the door leaving her standing, mouth agape. "Don't be here when we get back," he called over his shoulder.

The train station yielded no results. He wasn't sitting in the waiting room, had not bought a ticket, had not been there at all.

They widened the boundaries of the search. He wasn't at the comic book store, the model train store, the bar at the Cheesecake Factory, the computer store, or back at the University. Sheldon Cooper had, by all appearances, vanished.

They congregated back at the apartment only to find that Ramona was still there.

"I thought I had asked you to leave."

"You did. I didn't. Where's Sheldon?"

"If I tell you, will you leave?"

"No. I do have a right to know where he is."

"No, you don't. Not really."

Penny stepped forward "Leonard, honey, let me handle this."

In less than five minutes Penny had Ramona out the door and down the stairs. Probably because she'd taken her car keys, tossed them out the window, and taken her and propelled her out the door with a sweetly worded "Get the Hell out and don't come back".

Penny turned and smiled.

Howard looked at her with admiration "to quote Sam in Wonder Woman 'I am both frightened and aroused'." Bernadette kicked him in the ankle. He grimaced.

Leonard sighed and went to the kitchen to put on coffee, "We still need to find Sheldon."

"Shouldn't we call Amy?" Raj settled in Sheldon's spot.

"Sweetie, that's the last thing we should do right now. We don't want to worry her until there's a good reason. Besides, you know how she gets …" Penny trailed off.

"No," Raj looked confused, "how does she get?

"Extrapolate, Raj." Penny sounded exasperated. "Oh, God, I've been around you people too much."

Raj moved to the window and looked out, "She's having trouble finding her keys."

Penny went to look. "Oh, good Lord." She opened the window and leaned out. "NOWITZKI," she yelled, "I USED TO PITCH FOR MY LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM, YOU'LL HAVE TO LOOK A LOT FURTHER AWAY. AND MORE TO THE NORTH." She closed the window and walked to the island. They were all staring at her. "What? I had a killer fastball. Now, what do we do about Sheldon?"

"It's going to be a long night." Leonard picked up his phone. "I'm going to order pizza. Bernie, do you want to bring Halley over here?"

"Stuart will be with her. Is that ok?"

"Yeah, sure, why not."

The pizza, Stuart, and Halley arrived just as Penny's phone rang.


	3. Chapter 3

_This is a very short chapter. I hope you enjoy it._

"It's Amy. What do I do?" Penny hissed at Leonard.

"You might as well answer it. We're going to have to talk to her sooner or later." He grinned at his wife, "You can tell her you chased off Nowitzki."

She rolled her eyes and hit accept. "Hi, Ames, what's up?"

"Do you know where Sheldon is?" Amy asked very quietly.

Penny grimaced. "Mmmm, no?"

"You're sure?"

"Pretty sure. Why do you ask?"

"Do you know where Dr. Nowitzki is?"

Penny brightened. "Sure. She's in the middle of Pasadena Boulevard looking for her car keys." She looked out the window. "Oh, looks like she found them. Too bad a bus is parked on top of them."

There was a choking sound from the other end of the line. "Do I want to know why her keys are under a bus?"

"I threw them there."

"Why did you do that?"

"Because throwing her under the bus would be illegal."

"Oh." Amy was silent for several seconds. "Then I guess you know what happened."

"We all do. I'm putting you on speaker."

"Ok. I can't be on too long. Anyway, Sheldon is here. Right now, he's in the shower, but he'll only be 7.75 minutes longer then I'll have to get off. He's ok – he showed up on my doorstep about two hours ago. One of us will call you tomorrow to let you know when he'll be returning so you'll know when someone needs to pick him up."

"He told you what happened?"

"Yes, Sheldon is nothing if not honest – I might add that, sometimes he's too honest."

"And he's ok?"

"A little – traumatized, but, on the whole, fine. I do have to go now. As I said, Sheldon or I will call you tomorrow to let you know when his flight arrives." She ended the call before Penny, or anyone else, could say anything more.

"Sheldon's in New Jersey?" Leonard looked shocked.

"Close your mouth, sweetie." Penny put her phone on the island. "At least we know he's ok. There are so many questions, though." She shook her head. "I don't get it. Did he actually get on a plane and fly?"

Bernadette rolled her eyes. "No, he has secret transporter technology. Of course, he did. It's just so … not Sheldon."

"None of this Sheldon." Howard said. "Are we sure he hasn't been kidnapped by aliens and replaced with a pod person?"

"In that case, you really have to feel for the aliens." Leonard was grinning. Penny gave him a light headslap.

"Seriously, guys, what is he doing there?"

"Who knows? But I'm sure we'll find out when he gets back. Meanwhile, I suggest we enjoy the respite." Raj went into the kitchen. "Who's up for samosas?"

Amy put the phone down just as Sheldon exited the shower. "Amy, these towels are quite harsh. You should have a word with whoever provides the laundry service here." Amy pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

"The service is provided by the same company that does our lab coats and towels. It's all standardized. They won't change it, and the nearest laundromat is downtown. At least you know they're clean."

"You mean they do your _personal_ laundry as well?" He shuddered. "If that's the case, then I'm taking your soiled clothing back with me, laundering it, and mailing it back to you. This" he brandished the offending towel "is uncivilized." He looked at her intently, "as distasteful as handling another's dirty laundry is to me, I cannot let you be abused like this. When I have mailed the parcel, I will call you so you can assemble another parcel of clothing to send to me. Second Day Air should be adequate."

"That will be costly, Sheldon."

"What is money for but to support our needs? I need to see you comfortable and not wearing scratchy, poorly laundered clothing."

"Strictly speaking you won't be seeing me."

He glared at her.

"Sheldon, if you'll excuse me, I need to use the bathroom, I trust it's not all steamy." She went into the room, turned on the water, grabbed one of the 'uncivilized' towels, buried her face in it, and proceeded to stifle laughter. She wasn't sure if she was laughing at the absurdity of the situation, Sheldon's intensity, or for the sheer joy of having him do something for her that was so impractical, so nonsensical, and so – caring. She _almost_ changed her mind about the conditions on her 'yes'. She felt strangely powerful.

When she exited the room a few minutes later, she went to Sheldon and gave him a chaste hug, which he returned, enthusiastically and most unchastely. She hid a tiny smile that threatened to become a huge grin.

The next morning Amy called in and asked for a day off. She was surprised when it was granted. After they had breakfasted, made travel arrangements for Sheldon, informed their friends of his itinerary, and acquired his new underwear, they spent the rest of the day not exploring the University and its environs.

Amy decided that the yes was not conditional at all. She saw no reason, however, to tell Sheldon of her decision right away. She proposed to enjoy the next couple of months – and, perhaps, to engender some new habits in Sheldon.


End file.
